A taste of my writing

 I have alluded to using this blog to pull-through sales of my works of fiction, and it just occurred to me that perhaps giving  my blog readers a sample of my writing might better encourage sales of the books. So, here is a previously unpublished example that I hope you enjoy. It is NOT a work of fiction however. Many years ago, my younger brother and I had the chance to visit the ruins of Nan Madol on the Pacific island of Ponape just a year after the long-standing tabu against visits to the ruins was lifted by the islanders. I documented this Indiana Jones-type adventure, but never got around to publishing it; so here it is, complete with a few photos that I took at the time.

The Mystery City of Nan Madol

I first became aware of Nan Madol in 1980, while scanning through one of those silly paperbacks about ancient astronauts. A fuzzy picture had been inserted on a page that detailed the author’s assertion that it was a space base for the saucer people. I paused to take a look. The photo was obviously taken by an amateur, as it was off-center and largely composed of a boring expanse of ocean. In the lower right of the image was a shock of green vegetation; a Mangrove swamp that marched into the sea. As I focused closer on the grainy image, the patch resolved into individual trees growing around dark slabs of rock that constituted a gigantic wall draped with a riot of tangled vines and leaf pads. In the hard to distinguish background was an out of focus view of some decomposed rock structures that were once buildings of some kind. The caption beneath the photo stated, “Nan Madol on the island of Ponape, the Atlantis of the Pacific”.

     I grabbed my dog-eared atlas and found it: A tiny isolated dot near the equator in the Western Pacific. Positioned thousands of miles from either Asia or the New World, it was an extremely weird location for megalithic ruins. Setting aside the problem of its isolation, I considered the stupor inducing tropical heat at the equator, and the laid back lifestyle of most Pacific islanders. There could have been no writing, or ego-mad pharaohs with disciplined troops cracking the whip over slaves who strained to the ropes.

    I scanned the text in the atlas: 164 square miles; mountainous, with peaks that rise abruptly to over a thousand feet above the level of the sea. Embraced and protected by the beautiful Nankapenparam reef. The largest of the Caroline Islands, and capitol of a newly formed and loose confederation of Micronesian peoples. Contains gigantic prehistoric ruins on the southeast coast called Nan Madol. I determined to delve into the mystery further. After researching a bit at the University of Utah library, I found that the first Europeans to visit Ponape arrived in 1595, and consisted of the crew of the San Jeronimo under Pedro Fernandez de Quiros. After a friendly exchange between the crew and the natives, the ship continued on its way to Manila.

    Years later, James O’Connell, the survivor of an 1826 shipwreck, washed ashore and was the first representative of western civilization to see Nan Madol.The ruins sprawl over eleven square miles and are of uncertain date and origin. Erected astride some low-lying islands in a shallow coastal bay, they are huge, awesome and somewhat menacing. It is a city of stone frozen in time. The literature regarding Nan Madol was sparse at the time and filled with more fantasy than fact. The cultists point to Nan Madol as certain proof of a high-order civilization on a ‘Lost’ Pacific continent that was now submerged in the depths. Modern Archaeologists believe that it dates from the 1400s at a period when the population was unified under one ruler. When Ponape was discovered by de Quiros, the island was divided into five warring kingdoms, and the ruins were deserted.

     The natives have an oral history of conflicting myths about it, which involve magic, men who could fly, and teleportation of the tremendous stone building blocks.The tradition divides Nan Madol into several districts; The main center, ‘Madol-Pa’, where the king lived, and ‘Madol-Pau-Ue’, which contained Nan Towas, the largest structure in the city and said to be the burial place for the Satalurs–the kings of Ponape. Adjacent to Nan Towas was the house of Priests, and beyond, the governmental center and alters. Until the late 1970s, the area of the ruins was considered tabu by the islanders, although they apparently used it infrequently until the late 1800s as a center for the worship of the turtle god Nanusunsap.

    In the spring of 1982 I had occasion to travel to the South Pacific with my younger brother on a research project, and determined to experience the gestalt of Nan Madol myself, I persuaded my brother to agree to an accommodating change in our itinerary. We thus arrived on wings of steel in early April. The island was cloaked in a luxurious tropical rainforest that changes into Mangrove swamps on the margins of the sea, and as our beaten up 737 touched down, I looked through the curving window at rugged mountains shrouded by pregnant clouds. A short, bounding ride from the airfield up a steep and muddy road brought us to our mountain base camp, the Hotel Ponape.

    After having spent the previous several weeks in the more primitive islands of the South Pacific, we were delighted by the synthesis of tropical simplicity and modern technology provided by the hotel; the ‘rooms’ were simple thatched huts that were electrified, screened to keep out the insects, and equipped with all of the conveniences, including a shower in an enclosed tiny courtyard filled with tropical plants and flowers. That evening, we enjoyed the novelty of hot running water, and much later, after luxuriating in the shower, sat on the veranda outside. Swooping through the air, with four-foot wingspans, the giant fruit-eating bats called ‘Flying Foxes’ sailed between the Coconut and Pandanas trees in the moonlight. Below us, the placid water of the bay reflected the twinkling isolated lights of a distant village on the jungle’s edge.

    The following morning, we tried to cajole some of the native Micronesians to take us around the island to Nan Madol, but it was nothing doing. To most, it was still tabu. Luckily, we found a family of Polynesians who were not fearful, and we hired one of them to take us in his power boat to the reef on that side of the island for some apparent spearfishing. As several boats of Micronesian fishermen were nearby, we just floated with the snorkels, looking at the rainbows of coral and fish that intermingled in patterns like kinetic art at the museum; one moment blending, the next standing out in sharp contrast. In the afternoon, when the fishermen left with their haul, we took a kidney-jolting ride across the lagoon to Nan Madol. We approached the ruin along a series of interconnecting islands which formed the rim of a huge bay. As we got closer, the natural features of the waterways between the jungle-covered islets transformed into channels cut with geometric precision and ranked with dense vegetation. Further on, we could see canals lined with immense blocks of stone. I recalled that Carbon 14 dating has shown that the Micronesian Islands had been occupied since about 1500 BC.

    Our guide killed the motor and began to use a pole to push the boat through the shallows toward the ruin. In the ensuing silence, I asked about local legends of Nan Madol. As the first ones on the scene, the natives should know if it already existed when they arrived from distant shores. He related that many islanders believed the ruins were built and abandoned long before the first wave of immigrants arrived. Others believed that two ancient magicians had cast a spell and caused the stones to fly through the air and land in a sequence that resulted in the walled city of Nan Madol. It then became a great cult center to the gods, demons and ghosts.

Another tradition, more historical, relates that long ago, Ponape was conquered by the King of Kusae, an island several hundred miles to the east. A single king later arose among the islanders who eventually overthrew the conquerors and assumed the title of Satular. He then ordered the construction of Nan Madol, and awaited retaliation. It all sounded to me like feeble attempts to explain the incomprehensible.

    We proceeded down the major canal that led us to the interior of the citadel, a mass of crumbling stone buildings and a maze of walls. Our guide docked the boat at the base of the largest megalithic structure, which appeared on first inspection, to be a walled fortress or temple. It was Nan Towas, ‘The Place of the High Walls’, where the Satalurs were supposed to be buried. It is constructed of hundreds of elongated stones of basalt, some of which appeared to weigh twenty or thirty tons, and all seeming carved in the shape of wooden pencils. The stone, in fact, is Prismatic Basalt and was formed as gigantic six-sided crystals in a volcano off of the northern coast of Ponape. On average, the crystals used in the construction are six to ten feet long, and two to four feet in cross section. Some stones are as large as any utilized by the Incas or Egyptians, and all had been transported to the site over miles of open ocean.

    I looked up at the outer wall of Nan Towas, which soared thirty feet above my head, and tried to imagine how the builders could have stacked these gargantuan stones so high. The wall enclosed a rectangle one hundred yards on a side, and was ten feet thick. As I walked through the portal to the interior, I noticed that the walls had been subtly engineered so that they curved out toward the top. Climbing one from outside of the citadel would be very difficult. The stonework was crude, the crystals having been stacked like logs, and each layer of the basalt pencils was rotated by ninety degrees with respect to the preceding layer for greater stability. This ‘cordwood’ building technique, and the varying size of the basalt pencils combined to create voids and cavities of substantial size, which had been filled with smaller rocks and broken coral. I gazed down the plane of the wall toward its distant corner. Slowly, the discontinuity of crystal ends and coral blended to form a smooth and continuous surface in my mind’s eye; and in that moment, the geometric perfection of the wall stood forth. As the curve of the walls became extremely pronounced toward the top, the corners where the walls met joined in graceful arcs reminiscent of the Pagoda style of the Orient.

    Inside the enclosure, I noticed a high stone rampart about four feet wide that had been constructed against the inner surface of the walls and circuited the entire rectangle. It would have given the defenders of the citadel the position and elevation advantage necessary to repel invaders from the sea. I surmise they came from the sea, because the only points of ingress to the fortification were the portal I had just passed through and two rock-lined tunnels so small that men would have had to come through one at a time on their hands and knees. All three were on the side of the fortress facing the island and away from the sea. I scrutinized the wall in vain for signs that individual stones had been shaped or sized to fit. There were no tool marks weathered by the centuries, no Petroglyphs or sculptured patterns, just massive functionality, crudely fashioned with unique natural materials and lots of brute force.

    I carefully walked across the broken stone slabs that lined the floor of the ‘courtyard’. Banyan trees jutted at random out of the patiently fitted puzzle of flooring, erupting through eons of impervious weight and purpose. Propelled sunward, they covered large areas of the intervening surface below with an umbrella of shadow. At my feet, iridescent lizards scuttled fretfully from rock to rock, pausing now and then to do a series of rapid pushups; a saurian invention to mitigate the fierce tropical heat, and perhaps raise their spirits in this somber and brooding place.

    Through the checkerboard of sun and shadow, I saw that the ‘courtyard’ contained carefully spaced pits that were lined with rock, and some of them were roofed over with immense flat slabs of stone. In construction, they were similar to the Kivas found in Indian pueblos of the American Southwest, although they were rectangular, rather than round. Millennia ago, the subterranean rooms now open to the sky were foundations or basements for more elaborate and perishable structures made of wood and thatch. The covered pits would have served nicely as food storage bunkers, protecting their contents from the relentless tropical sun. Similar speculations slithered across my brain like the lizards on the rocks as I glimpsed other complex structures obscured by shadow and camouflaged in clutching vines.

    Dominating the center of the citadel was an elevated stone building roofed with even more massive stone slabs that abutted one another almost seamlessly. It was about twenty by thirty feet in area and had walls constructed with the same outward curve as the citadel’s enclosure, complete with the Pagoda-like corners. There were no windows to allow the entry of light. I peered into the dim recess through the only entrance, and saw that the floor had been excavated to a depth of five or six feet relative to the surface on which I stood. The resulting subsurface floor and walls seemed smoothly continuous and were unadorned. There was no frivolity in the structure, no unnecessary embellishments, no art. The feeling of this place was not of a temple or the final resting place of kings with fancy titles. It was more like a fortress or sanctuary; severely utilitarian, stripped for action and awaiting warriors or monks. Overall, the architecture seemed delicately Oriental, yet savage, like the panel art from an adult action comic book.

    My brother, who had wandered behind the building to look around called out in excitement for me to join him. There, he had discovered a rock-lined opening in the plaza floor that was the width of a man’s shoulders and gave access to what appeared to be a lateral tunnel of unknown length and dimensions. His miniature camper’s flashlight threw its feeble foot-candle or two into the steaming blackness below. His compulsive curiosity as a scientist took over, and he leapt down into the opening to get a better look. I jumped down beside him and he batted away the lacey nets of cobweb and moved cautiously into the depths of the tunnel.

    I cautiously followed behind him, fearing the worst; a cave-in, multiple bites from exotic tropical snakes, or nameless insect horrors. My fantasies dissolved as we came to the end of the tunnel only fifteen or twenty meters beyond the entrance. I shined my light around, and was amazed to see that the walls and ceiling were covered with limestone deposits, and stalactites at least six inches long festooned the roof above me. They testified to the tunnel’s great age, and made a mockery of the Archaeologist’s assertions that the place was constructed sometime after the birth of Christ. At the tunnel’s abrupt end, a large stone cross-member had been carved with Petroglyphs arrayed in rows, and reminiscent of the symbols in old Punic writings.

    We took some photos of the script, then retreated back to the entrance and left the place to its Arachnid sentinels. Emerging into the damp tropical afternoon, we left the plaza to tiptoe across the uncertain rocky surface of a narrow walkway that connected the central elevated area of the plaza to the rampart of the enclosure’s great walls. Arriving at the safely of the rampart, I paused to turn and gaze toward the sea. Below me, in the foreground, was a great encircling moat. It had been laboriously excavated and lined with thousands of tree-sized volcanic pencils of basalt, but was now largely filled with silt and rubbery green leaf pads.The careful geometry of the rocky embankments was broken here and there by jagged gaps where the basaltic prisms had avalanched to the bottom in a haphazard heap over time, like pickup sticks that were partially submerged beneath the murky surface. Nearby, I could see distorted building foundations and offset canal walls that testified to a great earthquake that must have occurred centuries ago. Beyond, the surreal landscape of crumbled buildings, collapsed canals, and the encroaching rainforest terminated abruptly at the edge of the placid bay.

    At the far limits of the bay where the breakers were crashing, I could see a mighty sea wall of interlocking basalt pencils that stretched into the distance. The work of thousands and the sweat of years, it had for centuries withstood the surging power of the Pacific Ocean. It was then that I realized the true enormity of Nan Madol. The vast fortress in which I stood only occupied a few thousand square yards, and was only a minor component of the eleven-square mile complex of canals and buildings.

The indigenous inhabitants of Ponape total around ten thousand at present. Perhaps, in earlier times the population may have been somewhat larger, and was reduced by the ‘Captain Cook’ syndrome, but I think it arrived at today’s stable number over the intervening years, based on resource availability and land use. I tried to imagine some fanatical dictator ordering the entire populace to man the outriggers and transport the mind-boggling basaltic prisms in their thousands across miles of sea to build Nan Madol.

    Consider the organizational problems of such an enterprise. The management skills and rigid social infrastructure required to smoothly coordinate the enormous undertaking was in a class with the Aztec Pyramid of the Sun, or the pre-Inca ruin of Teohuanaco. A scenario: Assume the local inhabitants had the necessary skills and social organization. Now, of an obedient population of ten thousand, subtract one thousand of those too old or young to work. Subtract five hundred more that were crippled, sick, pregnant, or injured. From the balance remaining, distribute support assignments as follows: One thousand to engage in subsistence farming, cooking, harvesting, etc. One thousand to quarry stone. One thousand to build and row the transport canoes or rafts. Five hundred to supervise the construction. 

    This would leave three thousand, five hundred people available to excavate and line with rock the miles of canals and build the distant and enormous sea wall. And then, without respite, construct the Citadel and numerous adjacent buildings. It was a single-minded and heroic effort that would have taken many decades, and perhaps centuries. What terrible fear or love inspired this frenzy of monumental construction and fortification? Its battlements seemed to face the sea, vigilant toward an enemy that struck from beyond the reef and distant blue horizon.

    I walked slowly around the rampart observing the scene beyond its confines. As my perspective changed, the ruins became more substantial and discrete. Individual structures revealed hidden connectivity and important aesthetic relationships to the whole. The missing art that I had sought was in the master plan; the grand design. Certainly, the network of criss-cross canals gave the place a Venice-like ambience and yet it all seemed terribly ad hoc; sort of thrown together: Ill fitting rocks that were hastily stacked in imitation of bastions in a homeland remembered from across the broad Pacific. The builders knew mathematics, had building skills, and had a form of writing and art. They just didn’t have the time or inclination for carving statues and adding embellishments. And, it appeared to be incredibly old.

    I have spent much time investigating the ancient cliff dwellings in my home state of Utah. Some of those structures date from the time of Christ. I have cherished the essence of their antiquity, vividly etched in the weathered sandstone. Yet, Nan Madol seemed far older; from some prehistoric seafaring society that thrived in those distant days when man left the comfortable womb of Asia.

Occupied with these speculations, I joined my brother to take the typical tourist photos, posing here and there on the ruins like the classic Jungle Jim stereotypes, squandering the hours. As the shadows lengthened, we gave up our explorations and reluctantly returned to the boat. Our Polynesian boatman was relieved to see us coming, as the ruins are located on a tidal flat, and the tide was going out. Soon, our boat would be unable to reach the open waters of the bay.

    The motor coughed into life, and we manoeuvred hurriedly around the growing sand bars and back into the bay. From the stern of the boat, I looked back at the shrinking silhouette of Nan Madol. As our boat skimmed away on the oily sea, the receding shoreline of Mangroves obscured and softened the outlines of the ruins. Gilgamesh or a Tibetan monk would have felt right at home there. For me, it had been a mystical experience. I turned my face into the spray from the bow and silently watched the distant horizon, like the builders of Nan Madol, awaiting destiny. The following morning, the airfield provided a further mystical experience, when, without warning or sound, the puddle-jumping jet from Guam materialized out of the clouds, precisely on time; tons of metal magically flying through the air to land exactly in the prescribed place.

 The delightful Hotel Ponape

The outer wall of Nan Madol Fortress City made with 10-20 ton Basalt crystals

Getting into Nan Madol was a bit tricky at times

Past the outer wall and into the first interior plaza

 My scientist brother finds a 30 meter tunnel to explore

   At the tunnel’s end are some strange symbols engraved in the hard basalt

 Our brave Polynesian boatman was fearless and helpful

 

 

In my father’s house are many mansions

 

NASA’s Kepler Deep Space Camera has apparently identified a multitude of ‘New Earths’; planets that are habitable and similar to our own. Statistically, the image analysis suggests that there may be 100 million of them in our galaxy alone.

In a conversation with one of his disciples about the extent of the Kingdom of Heaven, Jesus is said to have proclaimed, “In my Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you”. It strikes me that this is, perhaps, a parable directed at future generations; when we discover that we are not alone in the universe. It speaks of powerful and unique civilizations living harmoniously amid the debris and random violence of creation.

Separated by unfathomable distance, these islands in the sky that we call galaxies exist by the millions, spread throughout the visible universe. And, we now know that the demonstrated statistical probability of organized intelligent life such as our own is one per 100 million ‘Earths’, or more properly, one per galaxy—more than enough to fill the electromagnetic spectrum throughout the universe with technobabble; yet we hear nothing with the SETI telescopes. Granted that the signal to noise ratio gets pretty bad beyond a thousand light-years or so from the source, it seems to me that we should still be able to detect some remnant of electromagnetic transmissions.

The implied alternative is that interstellar communications take place in a different medium, perhaps one based on Quantum Entanglement and therefore, faster-than-light transmissions. An additional advantage of this scheme would be the fact that Newtonian motion (beam pointing solutions for the receiver/transmitter) would not be a consideration. Whatever the communication mode, you can be sure that it will occur, unless we are the first species in the universe to have crossed the threshold of technical civilization. It is exciting to think that we will know the answer for sure within my lifetime. It will be one of the most profound moments in Human history.

The far limits of the universe

A blog post from eight years ago

 

I wrote a post on Opera.com eight years ago that discussed the possibility of dealing with a world-wide pandemic of the H5N1 ‘Bird Flu’ virus. It seems prudent to post it once again in light of the Ebola outbreak and the potential for airborne transmission (see my last two blog posts here on Vivaldi):

July 7, 2006

I read with interest the comments from experts attending the First International Conference on Avian Influenza in Humans has been taking place this week at the Pasteur Institute in Paris.To quote from the BBC news release, Professor Albert Osterhaus, a leading European virologist based at the Erasmus Medical Centre, Rotterdam, on the subject of a vaccine, said: “If a pandemic were to happen tomorrow, we would not have a vaccine; at least not a vaccine with which we could vaccinate the European population or the American population – and we need a vaccine for the world. Basically, if we don’t invest now in suitable clinical trials, there will be a shortage of vaccine – if we have a vaccine at all.”

 And amplifying his comments, Dr. David Fedson, a retired professor of medicine said, “If you look to the UK, France, the Netherlands and Italy (countries with companies that produce vaccine) – are any of the health authorities in these counties spending public funds on clinical trials of H5N1 vaccine? The answer is ‘no’. Not a single pound sterling is spent by the Department of Health in the UK on clinical trials – why is this so? Contrast this with spend on the Eurofighter for European defence, a weapon system no longer needed. Our priorities have got mixed up. Governments are feckless.”

 

Well, I have to report that the general public is in denial as well. I have been tracking the ‘hits’ on the website I set up (pandemicsupplycompany.com) and there have been only a few hundred. Less than a dozen have bought anything. Now, granted, my page is lost in the search engines (it is about 50 pages back in Google, based on the metatags and keywords I provided), but my industrial espionage on competing websites indicates that few people are actually buying the supplies necessary to protect themselves in the event of a pandemic.

As my Opera friend David in Australia said, “It is like buying a fire extinguisher—you may not need it now, but when you do, you’ll be glad you have it”

 

I’ll bet fire extinguisher salesmen have better luck in selling their product than people like me that offer truly useful protective products against airborne infectious diseases. It is very depressing; especially in light of the report out of Indonesia that the first Human-to-Human transmissions have occurred in a family there. Fortunately, the virus has only mutated ‘slightly’, and it still won’t spread easily. But, give it time……When people panic at a real and horrific outbreak, and try to buy protective stuff, it simply won’t be available in quantity. No supplier will take the risk of sitting on a large inventory for a lengthy time. I know I can’t afford to.

 

Dr Fedson went on to tell BBC News: “Right now, worldwide, we can produce 300 million doses of seasonal flu vaccine, but it turns out that the H5N1 vaccine is so poorly immunogenic and replicates so poorly that… we could immunise globally, with six months of production, about 100 million people. From a public health point of view this is catastrophic, We have had reverse genetics H5N1 viruses available to work with for three years and after three years this is all we can say: ‘We could produce enough vaccine worldwide, for 100 million people’. Is that good enough? I don’t think so.”

 

If any Opera folks are interested in supporting my efforts, please take the time to use your favorite search engine to look up my website. Use the words Pandemic, Avian Flu, Infection protection Kits, Bird Flu, H5N1, Airborne Pathogens, Influenza, and so forth. This is the only way I know of to improve my page rankings without spending a fortune. I refuse to advertise, or invest in pay-per-click types of cash drains. My funds are now tied up in inventory, and I’m now helplessly awaiting contact from people that are concerned about preparing for a future outbreak. Right now, I’m thinking that it is a lost cause.

 

Now, back to the present day:

I lost about $10,000.00 setting up the on-line company, ‘Pandemic Supply’ in 2006; however, I still have a substantial inventory of Level 3 biohazard booties, body suits, masks, goggles, gloves, hairnets, virus-destroying chemicals (good old bottled bleach works well to wipe down and decontaminate surfaces), and antiseptic soaps. My wife and I and some of our neighbors will be fully protected should the Ebola outbreak come to my hometown in Utah. More importantly, I took the time to thoroughly learn to use the stuff. If my readers here are interested, I can write a list of recommended supplies and suppliers along with procedures for your own protection efforts.

Ebola Protection Gear

Image courtesy of Freerepublic.com

Addendum:I have had several requests for more information on the products in my inventory since I wrote this post. There are only two that may be of interest to people that must travel right away into infected areas or on flights into a ‘Hot Zone’. Here are the photos:

This kit is for an airline traveler          This kit is for limited use in a Hot Zone

I think my PayPal account is still active. Contact me for prices, on-hand stock, and further details.

I can also get interested agencies further info. on lead-time to deliver in quantity from Salt Lake City. I will come out of retirement to get a synchromesh operation going, if needed. It would be under the umbrella of the Pandemic Supply Company. Contact email at present: [email protected]  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dr. Strangelove for President

It has to be admitted by Americans, Europeans, Chinese, and the Russians, that our supreme leaders leave much to be desired. They seem to thrive on misleading the masses they represent, disregard reality in favor of their dreams and ambitions, and make really poor decisions.

Difficult times usually require difficult and for some, unpalatable solutions. However, things can get out of control quickly. Witness the rise of the NAZI movement in pre-WWII Germany. A vision of a bright future for Germany’s people soon became a horror show. And look at the carnage in the Middle East and the rise of religious extremism. Pile on top of this the climate change, pollution of water, a ravaged environment, etc. One can’t help but become pessimistic and cynical about the future.  It seems we might not be able to survive it all without harsh changes to the way we do things. But, how can we deal with the world’s urgent problems without some form of totalitarian government? Someone managed to track down Dr. Strangelove in his hiding place deep in a coal mine in an unnamed country, and he consented to an interview.

Interviewer: “Given the state of the world today, what would you do to ensure a bright future for the human race?”

Dr. Strangelove: “That’s easy. You must have a world leader that has the WILL to act, and who brooks no interference from limp wristed, namby-pamby dissidents. This includes the members of his administrative staff, his military assets, and the political opposition. Then he must institute the necessary reforms, especially those that none speak about publically, but that most of the citizens agree must take place. As long as he has support of the citizens, he will PREVAIL!”  Strangelove rises from his wheelchair, struggles for a moment with his black gloved hand which is gripping his throat, and goes on, “I am probably the best suited person for the job.”

Interviewer: “Well, let’s see if that is so. What would you do to eliminate poverty and hunger around the world?”

Strangelove: “I would use GMO crops, and also lie about the prospect of an airborne mutation of the Ebola virus, and allow it to run its course. (see:  http://scgnews.com/ebola-what-youre-not-being-told)

For the GMO crops, studies have shown that Transgenic crops have not lived up to their promise, and in fact, are potential threats to the global food supply.” See:  http://agbioforum.org/v2n34/v2n34a03-altieri.htm Strangelove goes on, “However, it would be beneficial to have GMO corn, rice, soybeans and so forth that are specifically engineered to reduce human fertility. 100 % of the food handouts to overpopulated and starving countries would consist of these crops, and a measured introduction to other countries would follow. Let’s face it; if you control the food, you control the population. This would result in a humane decrease in our numbers over time to a level that the planet can support.” See: http://www.centerforfoodsafety.org/GEcrops_AustrianStudy_PR11_13_08.cfm

Interviewer: “Hummm; I see. Well, how about the wars and insurrections that are plaguing the world?”

Strangelove: “Again, that’s a no-brainer. You break the back of the world-wide military/industrial complex. At present politicians are unable to formulate policy without them being involved in the loop. Therefore, it would be illegal for any nation to maintain military bases and troops beyond their own borders. If you export your troubles, especially financial ones, or belief systems, BAM!!—you get nuked with Neutron bombs that have little fallout. Also, every weapon exported by any country goes though my control board, which issues approval or denial, and all serials numbers are recorded. If a weapon is recovered anywhere that isn’t recorded, the manufacturer is identified, and Bam!!—they and the recipients get Hellfire missiles from my stealth drones.”

Interviewer: “Okay, but what about complex on-going wars at present such as those in Afghanistan, the Middle East, and Africa?”

Strangelove: “Well, I am a great admirer of Genghis Kahn. The USA must take his tactics to heart as he was the only one to conquer Afghanistan. Give the Afgans and the others the choice: Join our army or die. Once this cleansing is done, they should rule with an iron fist, and at the same time,  use the target country’s money and resources to commence building schools, hospitals, and other infrastructure, while teaching the survivors the basics of modern democracy and the individual responsibility and ethics that it takes to maintain it. When conditions are right for long-term stability, they should get the hell out of the country, and go deal with their own domestic problems.”

Interviewer: “That seems pretty extreme to me.”

Strangelove: “So are the problems of nearly every country. It’s time to make them clean up their own act first. If they want to live like savages, or saviors, I could care less; but if they try to export their world view, Bam!!—here come the nukes!”

Interviewer: “Let’s focus on the USA for a moment. There are about 11 million illegal immigrants in the country at present, loading the financial system with debt, and threatening ‘reconquesta’, or taking back the western part of the country, claiming it was theirs in the first place. What would you do?”

Strangelove: “First of all, it is a lie that it ever belonged to the Mexicans. It actually belonged to Native Americans, and Spain moved in later, after conquering the Aztecs in Mexico. I’d give it to the Pueblo, Navajo, Piute, Apache and Zuni people before the Mexicans ever got it. Secondly, I’d repatriate the scofflaws and their anchor babies back to their home countries forthwith. A precedent was set for doing this by three former U.S. Presidents.” Strangelove’s Black Hand punches himself a few times, and after a struggle, he goes on, “However, I’d make sure that most of them go to Venezuela.”

Interviewer: “I see. Now, how would you handle the environmental calamities such as global warming and air pollution?”

Strangelove: “Again, a no-brainer. Once again, I would draw from the lessons of history: The ‘informing on your neighbor’ system of the Soviets, The ‘reeducation camps’ of the Vietnamese, and the forced labor system of the North Koreans, coupled with the old CCC camp concept in the USA. All would be grist for my mill. If you pollute, someone will rat you out, and off you go to the Environmental Remediation Center. Your length of stay in this system would be based on how quickly you learn and how hard you work, with the net being modified by a multiplier determined by how many children you have.”

Interviewer: “Hmmm. I’m not sure you have dealt with the air pollution problem, because you haven’t mentioned motor vehicles. What is your take on this issue?”

Strangelove: “Oh, I forgot!” He pauses to pound a few dents in his forehead, and gouge an eye with his thumb, “I would destroy all motor vehicles, except for those needed to implement my plans, and replace them with a sort of motorized horse & cart that runs on Hydrogen fuel cells, and made by the Harley Davidson motorcycle company. As far as the shipment of bulk goods, they can go by solar-powered electric trains, blimps, and oar-powered galleys supplemented with sails.”       
Interviewer: “You seem to have an answer for everything, Dr. Strangelove. I’ll go now, but I’d like to come back again, if possible.”

Strangelove: “You may return, but be sure to bring some compliant young women, please.”

Image courtesy of Columbia Pictures