Dr. Strangelove for President

It has to be admitted by Americans, Europeans, Chinese, and the Russians, that our supreme leaders leave much to be desired. They seem to thrive on misleading the masses they represent, disregard reality in favor of their dreams and ambitions, and make really poor decisions.

Difficult times usually require difficult and for some, unpalatable solutions. However, things can get out of control quickly. Witness the rise of the NAZI movement in pre-WWII Germany. A vision of a bright future for Germany’s people soon became a horror show. And look at the carnage in the Middle East and the rise of religious extremism. Pile on top of this the climate change, pollution of water, a ravaged environment, etc. One can’t help but become pessimistic and cynical about the future.  It seems we might not be able to survive it all without harsh changes to the way we do things. But, how can we deal with the world’s urgent problems without some form of totalitarian government? Someone managed to track down Dr. Strangelove in his hiding place deep in a coal mine in an unnamed country, and he consented to an interview.

Interviewer: “Given the state of the world today, what would you do to ensure a bright future for the human race?”

Dr. Strangelove: “That’s easy. You must have a world leader that has the WILL to act, and who brooks no interference from limp wristed, namby-pamby dissidents. This includes the members of his administrative staff, his military assets, and the political opposition. Then he must institute the necessary reforms, especially those that none speak about publically, but that most of the citizens agree must take place. As long as he has support of the citizens, he will PREVAIL!”  Strangelove rises from his wheelchair, struggles for a moment with his black gloved hand which is gripping his throat, and goes on, “I am probably the best suited person for the job.”

Interviewer: “Well, let’s see if that is so. What would you do to eliminate poverty and hunger around the world?”

Strangelove: “I would use GMO crops, and also lie about the prospect of an airborne mutation of the Ebola virus, and allow it to run its course. (see:  http://scgnews.com/ebola-what-youre-not-being-told)

For the GMO crops, studies have shown that Transgenic crops have not lived up to their promise, and in fact, are potential threats to the global food supply.” See:  http://agbioforum.org/v2n34/v2n34a03-altieri.htm Strangelove goes on, “However, it would be beneficial to have GMO corn, rice, soybeans and so forth that are specifically engineered to reduce human fertility. 100 % of the food handouts to overpopulated and starving countries would consist of these crops, and a measured introduction to other countries would follow. Let’s face it; if you control the food, you control the population. This would result in a humane decrease in our numbers over time to a level that the planet can support.” See: http://www.centerforfoodsafety.org/GEcrops_AustrianStudy_PR11_13_08.cfm

Interviewer: “Hummm; I see. Well, how about the wars and insurrections that are plaguing the world?”

Strangelove: “Again, that’s a no-brainer. You break the back of the world-wide military/industrial complex. At present politicians are unable to formulate policy without them being involved in the loop. Therefore, it would be illegal for any nation to maintain military bases and troops beyond their own borders. If you export your troubles, especially financial ones, or belief systems, BAM!!—you get nuked with Neutron bombs that have little fallout. Also, every weapon exported by any country goes though my control board, which issues approval or denial, and all serials numbers are recorded. If a weapon is recovered anywhere that isn’t recorded, the manufacturer is identified, and Bam!!—they and the recipients get Hellfire missiles from my stealth drones.”

Interviewer: “Okay, but what about complex on-going wars at present such as those in Afghanistan, the Middle East, and Africa?”

Strangelove: “Well, I am a great admirer of Genghis Kahn. The USA must take his tactics to heart as he was the only one to conquer Afghanistan. Give the Afgans and the others the choice: Join our army or die. Once this cleansing is done, they should rule with an iron fist, and at the same time,  use the target country’s money and resources to commence building schools, hospitals, and other infrastructure, while teaching the survivors the basics of modern democracy and the individual responsibility and ethics that it takes to maintain it. When conditions are right for long-term stability, they should get the hell out of the country, and go deal with their own domestic problems.”

Interviewer: “That seems pretty extreme to me.”

Strangelove: “So are the problems of nearly every country. It’s time to make them clean up their own act first. If they want to live like savages, or saviors, I could care less; but if they try to export their world view, Bam!!—here come the nukes!”

Interviewer: “Let’s focus on the USA for a moment. There are about 11 million illegal immigrants in the country at present, loading the financial system with debt, and threatening ‘reconquesta’, or taking back the western part of the country, claiming it was theirs in the first place. What would you do?”

Strangelove: “First of all, it is a lie that it ever belonged to the Mexicans. It actually belonged to Native Americans, and Spain moved in later, after conquering the Aztecs in Mexico. I’d give it to the Pueblo, Navajo, Piute, Apache and Zuni people before the Mexicans ever got it. Secondly, I’d repatriate the scofflaws and their anchor babies back to their home countries forthwith. A precedent was set for doing this by three former U.S. Presidents.” Strangelove’s Black Hand punches himself a few times, and after a struggle, he goes on, “However, I’d make sure that most of them go to Venezuela.”

Interviewer: “I see. Now, how would you handle the environmental calamities such as global warming and air pollution?”

Strangelove: “Again, a no-brainer. Once again, I would draw from the lessons of history: The ‘informing on your neighbor’ system of the Soviets, The ‘reeducation camps’ of the Vietnamese, and the forced labor system of the North Koreans, coupled with the old CCC camp concept in the USA. All would be grist for my mill. If you pollute, someone will rat you out, and off you go to the Environmental Remediation Center. Your length of stay in this system would be based on how quickly you learn and how hard you work, with the net being modified by a multiplier determined by how many children you have.”

Interviewer: “Hmmm. I’m not sure you have dealt with the air pollution problem, because you haven’t mentioned motor vehicles. What is your take on this issue?”

Strangelove: “Oh, I forgot!” He pauses to pound a few dents in his forehead, and gouge an eye with his thumb, “I would destroy all motor vehicles, except for those needed to implement my plans, and replace them with a sort of motorized horse & cart that runs on Hydrogen fuel cells, and made by the Harley Davidson motorcycle company. As far as the shipment of bulk goods, they can go by solar-powered electric trains, blimps, and oar-powered galleys supplemented with sails.”       
Interviewer: “You seem to have an answer for everything, Dr. Strangelove. I’ll go now, but I’d like to come back again, if possible.”

Strangelove: “You may return, but be sure to bring some compliant young women, please.”

Image courtesy of Columbia Pictures