Well, the U.S. military is tired of the old Humvee, which provided minimal protection from I.E.D. explosives, and a lot of our troops died in the Middle East before ‘Headquarters’ wised up and started providing proper armor for these vehicles. However, they looked pretty bad-ass, and gave rise to a civilian version nicknamed the ‘Hummer’. This vehicle was dearly loved by Arnold Schwarzenegger, and he drove up and down Sunset Boulevard near Hollywood chomping on his cigar and trying to mow down ‘Girlie-man’ pedestrians.
Arnold and his Hummer:
But this new machine by Oshkosh is in a league of its own, and I want one badly. Check this out:
I plan on buying one of these. At only $400,000 each, they are a steal!
As an avid life-long duck hunter, I immediately spotted the turret on top. What an ideal weapon! I would give up my Browning Automatic 12 gauge shotgun in a heartbeat to have one to hunt with. At my age, it is a little hard to trudge through knee-deep mud in some marsh to hunker down in the Bulrushes and wait for a flock to fly on by within range of my gun. With this thing, I couldn’t miss and I wouldn’t even need a retriever hunting dog; I would simply drive up to the fallen bird and scoop it into my game bag (while sipping on my glass of Champagne, of course).
Now, I know my readers must be reeling back in horror and disgust at the very idea, but you have to understand that I was recently corrupted by the Terry Southern film titled ‘The Magic Christian’, starring the late Peter Sellers; when I saw it last. See what I mean:
Obviously, these English nobles know how to hunt birds properly; no messing around.
Some years ago, I was hopelessly traumatized when I joined a private and exclusive hunting club (no illegal aliens allowed), in order to hunt my favorite game bird: the pheasant. In my view the Chinese Pheasant is one of the best-tasting game birds on the planet. I paid the steep membership fee, and I got myself and my shotgun prepared for my first venture onto their 1,000 acre property. When I arrived, I was spotted by some hired hands that had some cages of pheasants loaded in the back of a pickup truck. They sped off in a cloud of dust, and after I signed in at the main hunting lodge, I got ready, and walked off to the open hunting grounds. In the distance, I saw the pickup stop, and several men got out and started to do something with the caged pheasants in the back. I got out my high-powered binoculars and focused in on their activities.
What they were doing was grabbing a pheasant by the legs and after spinning it round and round for a few minutes, tossing it into a nearby bush, where it reeled around dazed and nauseous. These birds were being prepped for my hunting foray, and I was supposed to stumble upon these poor critters, which were so disoriented they could barely fly. This is when I decided to hang up my guns and I asked for my membership fee to be returned. Now, with one of the new Oshkosh machines, I’m willing to try it again. I’m hopeful that the dead birds I collect are more than a heap of feathers.
